Pain during sex—also known as dyspareunia—is more common than many realize, and it can affect people of all genders. Whether the pain is mild or severe, occasional or consistent, it should never be ignored. Here’s what to do if sex hurts, and how to find relief and restore intimacy.
1. Pause and Communicate
If you feel pain during sex, stop immediately. Let your partner know what you’re feeling. Open communication is key—never feel guilty or embarrassed for speaking up. Your comfort and well-being come first.
2. Identify the Type of Pain
Understanding the location and type of pain can help identify the cause. Common types include:
- External pain (e.g. at the vaginal opening or penis head)
- Deep pain (felt deeper during penetration)
- Burning or stinging sensations
- Tightness or pressure
Keep track of when and where it hurts—this will help medical professionals during diagnosis.
3. Use Lubrication
Lack of natural lubrication is a very common cause of painful sex. Using a high-quality, body-safe lubricant can significantly reduce friction and discomfort. Opt for water-based lubricants unless silicone-based or oil-based products are appropriate for your body and activity.
4. Try Different Positions
Sometimes certain sexual positions may cause discomfort due to pressure or angle. Trying gentler or alternative positions can help avoid pain and increase pleasure. Go slow, adjust pace, and listen to your body.
5. Check for Medical Causes
Pain during sex can be caused by several medical conditions, such as:
- Vaginal dryness or hormonal changes
- Infections (e.g. yeast, UTIs, STIs)
- Endometriosis or pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)
- Prostatitis or penile trauma
- Vaginismus (involuntary muscle tightness)
- Allergies to latex or products
It’s important to see a doctor or gynecologist/urologist if the pain is persistent or severe. A proper diagnosis can lead to effective treatment.
6. Consider Emotional and Psychological Factors
Anxiety, past trauma, stress, or relationship issues can also contribute to painful sex. In such cases, therapy or sex counseling with a trained professional can help address the root cause and improve both physical and emotional intimacy.
7. Practice Self-Care and Patience
Healing takes time. Focus on emotional connection, sensual touch, and non-penetrative intimacy if needed. Explore your body’s signals, and don’t pressure yourself to “push through” pain—doing so can worsen the issue.
Final Thought
Sex should be pleasurable, safe, and consensual. If it hurts, that’s your body telling you something important. By addressing the cause, seeking support, and prioritizing your well-being, you can regain comfort and confidence in your intimate experiences.
